Taking My Own Medicine: Entering a Season of Rest, Recovery & Recalibration
I can feel my heart beating faster and a bit of cold sweat coming on as I write this. The vulnerability is real.
Insights from Slowing Down
Yesterday was my 31st birthday and a few weeks before this I'd given myself the gift of a week's holiday to stay with friends near Queenstown. Rather than come back feeling excited, re-energised and ready to enter my thirty first year, I came back feeling anxious, grieving leaving the fresh mountain air and resistant to returning to working in Wellington. Taking time out I'd received huge insights of the need to take an extended period of rest, needing to make some big life changes and needing to change locations for a period of time.
Being in the fresh mountain air, away from city life and away from work responsibilities made me realise just how truly fatigued I was - not just from an intensive few months of navigating 'pandemic life problems' but also from the residual fatigue that over four years of growing a for-purpose business and having responsibility for the growth, development and mental and emotional wellbeing of tens of thousands of people around the world had taken on me. While it has been very meaningful and joyful a lot of the time, it also turns out that it's pretty tiring and that one person can only really take so much.
The impact of the last few months
The last few months have been truly tough – supporting the mental + emotional wellbeing of a number of different friends and clients almost at crisis point – some coming to me as an intermediary as they cannot get ‘into’ the mental health system. Balancing this while managing a team, plenty of client work, losing up to $65k worth of work due to the most recent lockdown, not being able to see unwell whanau/family members and experiencing an intense heartbreak has felt like… a lot. So many of us in the helping and healing profession are deeply fatigued, close to burnout and heartbroken by the state of the world. The mandates in Aotearoa New Zealand have meant that a number of hugely talented, valuable friends in the mental health and teaching spaces have lost their jobs or contracts due to their choice. Whatever your choice and beliefs are, please be kind to others.
The thing is - I'm pretty good at the whole self care, boundary setting and self love thing. I love getting a good night's sleep, hygiene, meditation, nourishing food, managing stress, connecting with friends, doing work I love, floating, movement etc - I love all of it. Heck, over the last few months I've even regularly invested time and money into seeing a psychologist, a craniosacral therapist and a Maori healer. The self care works normally - it keeps me resilient for longer, it helps me to stop and pause when I need to, it stops me spiralling into burnout BUT it's not a magic pill when an extended break is needed.
Where I'm at now goes deeper. When I checked in with my body and mind in Queenstown I realised I was exhausted, wilting and heart broken. It was really confronting to realise how much the intensity of the last four years had hit me. Catching up with a friend last week and bursting into tears in front of her she told me: "Jen: I know you, I love you and I see you - you're about 3-4 weeks away from burnout and you need to be taking your own medicine"
Change as a Choice, Instead of a Reaction
In Dr Jo Dispenza's book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself he talks about the nature of change: 'Change as a Choice, Instead of a Reaction'
"It seems that human nature is such that we balk at changing until things get really bad and we're so uncomfortable that we can no longer go on with business as usual. ...We wait for crisis, trauma, loss, disease, and tragedy before we get down to looking at who we are, what we are doing, how we are living, what we are feeling, and what we believe or know, in order to embrace true change. Often it takes a worst-case scenario for us to begin making changes that support our health, relationships, career, family, and future. My message is: Why wait?
We can learn and change in a state of pain and suffering, or we can evolve in a state of joy and inspiration. Most embrace the former. To go with the latter we just have to make up our minds that change will probably entail a bit of discomfort, some inconvenience, a break from a predictable routine, and a period of not knowing."
Now, I'm choosing a wise move of pausing before a big life event forces me to pause. For the next 4-5 months I'm going to be investing time and energy into recalibrating my life: taking my own medicine. I'm tentatively calling this: "The Intentional Rest and Growth Project".
‘The Intentional Rest and Growth Project’ (tentative title)
I’m intentionally choosing to step away from 4+ years of creating, leading, doing + hustling and stepping into a season (or longer) of being, recharging, growing + reconfiguring direction. Plans are still new and are likely to change, however this is where my thinking is currently at:
My last day working for 2021 will be next Tuesday 23rd November and I’m not taking any new bookings until February 2022.
All clients will have full access to the Intentional Generations resource library of support while I'm away and my team will be booking in all catchups and work while I'm away.
I'm allowing myself a solid 7–8 weeks of no work
End of Nov–Christmas: releasing, decluttering life, focusing on wellbeing + relationships and trying new things I’ve always wanted to (jiujitsu, Māori, Spanish, reading all the books that have been on my bedside table for ages)
I'll be journalling regularly about my process of resting, trying NEW activities, "Marie Kondo-ing" my life, healing my heart, finding home again and experimenting with new ways of being and working. Team members will be sharing snippets of my process as I'll be taking at least 2 months away from all social media to truly rest.
I will be moving to the South Island in early January 2022 and enjoying the Summer and Autumn months for at least 4-5 months (likely settling in Bannockburn or Queenstown).
From February 2022 I will have capacity to work part-time for 2–3 months.
From April/May, I may be open to different opportunities.
Spending plenty of time reading and journalling will be a priority for me during the next ‘season’
I’m proud of myself for noticing where I've got to and, rather than pushing on through, am choosing to proactively rest, reset, reflect + recalibrate direction.
To get to this decision point I’ve had to navigate some challenging internal chatter + worries:
Can I really afford to take 2 months full-time off work and another 2+ months at part-time?
How will I communicate this quick change to clients?
What will my career direction look like from February onwards?
Where will I end up from April/May onwards?
How to wrap up 7 years of living in Wellington in a month?
What do I keep in the calendar + what do I postpone?
How might I best set my team + clients up for success over the next 2 months?
How to best use my time while I'm resting, recovering and resetting?
Taking time to let our lights shine again
I feel in my bones that I owe it to myself and to all present and future clients to take this time to heal, re-energise and find my ‘spark’ again. I’m conscious that me saying I’ve lost my spark for a lot of what I do may surprise some people as I can still deliver really well. The truth is that it feels like I’m only operating at 30%–40% of my capability and I aim to slowly ‘get back/return’ to a Jen 4.0/5.0/6.0 (haha).
A coaching client messaged me this on my birthday and I think the second sentence truly applies to everyone:
“Happy birthday you sensational human. The world is a better place with your light shining”
Here's to taking time to ensure our lights are shining.
Next steps/Wanting to get in touch?
If you would like to connect over coffee while I'm away or would like to book in support for February 2022 onwards, please contact amazing team members (Megs and Gemma) at hello@intentionalgenerations.com
Availability is very limited during February - May 2022, please get in touch soon :)
Arohanui (big love),
Jen Y
Intentional Generations Founder
Going on plenty of adventures in nature will be a key priority over the next 4-5 months :)
